Haight and Ashbury

What a week.  So this week I helped open the Haight store which was pretty rad.  Its such a bright and colourful store. It was definitely nice working in a different store and still being able to go back to mine. I left Haight missing it so my boss gave me 2 shifts next week so that'll be sweet!  I dont plan on transferring anytime soon unless i was going to Whole Body.

Then Thursday was my first visit to the therapist.  Yes you read correctly, THERAPIST.  Now that was really interesting.  Ive never experience anything like that before. I enjoyed it for the most part.  I ended talking about someone i didnt expect to talk about, but i  definitely needed to get it out of my chess. I talked about so much.  she didnt ask me a lot of questions, i wanted her to though.  I felt as if i was running out of things to say.  It was a bit hard reliving moments of my life that were painful.

Nothing else except did some shopping online and have a few more things to buy until im done for awhile. ;-) david tells me "marge, im not going to make enough money to sustain you and your expenses".  i know i know. okay.

its late.  im tired.

FUCK YOU!

Sallie Mae.

....

you owe that to me.
i regret a few things in my life.
you are one of them.
i know everything happens for a reason.
you owe that to me.

...

Field of Jasmine

...
sometimes i get speechless when i look at you..
i dont know what to say
im just in awe to have you in my life
by your side i smell a field of jasmine.
...

Well work was interesting.  I helped open the Haight store.  It was definitely an experience.  We had a soft open today but Wednesday is our GRAND OPENING!

Came home to our bathroom getting remodeled and flowers in the kitchen with a Love card attached.  I wasnt expecting anything from David for V-day because seriously that's what it feels like almost always (knocking on wood) We treat ourselves once a week so it didnt cross my mind. So it was sweet to see almost budded flower pot with a funny/adorable card full of kisses for me.  Now im just chillen and watching Home Movies..

...

"please please please, let me get what i want.."

A Day In The Life

Humph..I got my tax refund last night, so today I paid for things that had priority. ( lame) I have a little left to spend on myself but at least its something.  So i got myself a few items that'd id been waiting to get for a while.  I still want a new bike but thats gonna have to wait for awhile.  Whatelse..ugh.. money can be so crippling.  Anyways, I have work in a couple hours gotta get in the mode cuz its going to be a long night. andddd my apt building owners are remodeling the apt upstairs! and its sooooooo efffffin noisy and annoying! its been like this for a friggin week now! STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! I just wanna take my broom and hit the ceiling so they get the point!   =/  S.O.S.

blah blah blah..

la-di-da..

Aqueous Transmission

Well, today was the first day in a long time that I did the things i set out to do even a lil off course.  So I woke up this morning around 9:30, shortly, after David gave me a kiss before he left to school( i love it when he does that) and started my day off the right way! Yay Me.  So our roommate has been in some mood and I over heard him telling David that he wants to use the living room space too.  Well its no problem buddy but hello your NEVER home.  I understand where he's coming from he wants to also get comfy on the couch from time time.  Yes, David and I are home the majority of the time therefore we utilize the living space a lot more. This morning cleaned up the living space and made accommodations so that the space does not like unwelcoming; after all, he lives here too.  Now, i leave my stuff on the kitchen table.  This also helps me because sitting on the couch all day make me hella lazy and sitting up right allows more blood flow through me. I decided that Im going back to school this year to finish my career already and graduate!  So I had to get my things together in GA and then transfer all my stuff to CCSF.  Soon enough, I will be starting school this fall! HOORAY! sending positive energy out into the universe!  Well on to my day:

I got dressed and rode my bike to the coast! Along the way, I decided that i was going to the Botanical Gardens first.  Fascinated by all of the HUGE trees out here I took an afternoon nap under one.  Then I walked around the Gardens. Man, SF is so nice!  There's alot of museums and excursions free to SF residents! Along the way, i found..(keep in mind, its not Spring yet)

this is the tree i took a nap under <3

After that, I took a ride down to the Ocean Beach which was about 2 miles from there.  I didnt take any pics of the beach. The pacific ocean is soooo cold!!! gah. I was caught up in the moment that I didnt even think about it.  

I dig my toes into the sand 

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds 

Strewn across a blue blanket 

I lean against the wind 

Pretend that I am weightless 

And in this moment I am happy...happy 

Actually, I didnt think about anything.  I couldnt believe that i hadnt had a thought.  I just strolled along the park and beach aimlessly but let me tell you that when i got home I was hella tired! It was such a beautiful day in SF and I finally got to enjoy it, even if i was alone. 

2-1

Its definitely a Mazzy Starr night on Pandora.

I had an interview for the Whole Body Receiver position and I didnt get it.  It just seems like positions i want are 2 (taken from me) and 1 (what i have).  Well when 1 door closes 2 more open, so it turns out that another store is hiring as well for 2 positions.  I am definitely going for it.  Man, i really want that job.  I was given constructive criticism which helps because now i can refine my interview.  So we shall see. Ive been thinking about charleston, or lately. Ive never been there but I can see myself raising a family there.  I wanna live in a cottage where I have a backyard and porch.  I think its a bike friendly town. These days i feel like I dont know much of anything.  Nothing like moving to a new place to remind you of how small you and how ignorant you are.  I dont even know what to think of anything or have opinions.  The minute i feel i have an opinion about a subject, soon i realize i know squat! 

Funny that i just wrote about knowing nothing because as I write Pandora is playing one of my favorite tracks "In the waiting line" by Zero 7 & that's exactly how i feel.  Nothing seems to be real but only a dream state that i will wake up from.  I ve always felt this way, since i was a child. I remember when about 8 in 3rd grade wondering if life was just a dream or if im in a deep coma creating this all in my head; all of the evil around me was just me creating it. Who knows what i know anymore.

All of this anxiety is causing me distress.  I started getting headaches at night again.  I dont have an appetite for actual food.  I just wanna sleep all day.  This is such an experience for me. I feel so vulnerable.  Where has all my strength gone?  Who is this person?  My friend Vivi tells me, I sound so sad.

Tomorrow, I plan to go to the beach. "In a manner of speaking"- I'm in need of ocean vibration.

Finger Muscles

I type this whilst listening to an episode of Home Movies. (memories)  Well last I checked in here Iiiiiiiii...wanted new bike.  I still want that bike so very much but man am I broke.  Im not nagging about it but certain luxuries are going to have to wait while get important things paid for first such as loan, rent, utilites, food.  Hopefully (crossing fingers) i get a decent amount of money in income tax check to have some to save and spend. Ive taken up knitting has allowed me to be mentally creative.  I havent done much than a rag and a half. HAHA. My co-worker, Lynley, gave me a ton of yarn to play with, god bless her!  Here's what ive made...

this is with my aluminum size 6 needle on worsted teal yarn rag

size 9 bamboo needle on organic bamboo yarn rag.

Im considering combining these 2.

SF is still doing well.  David and I went to the Sutro Baths last weekend when I was suppose to be at the Learning Center Retreat for BB Kabbalah but i didnt go.  Emotionally Ive been very distressed.  I did not feel mentally stable and not in the same way that hormones interact when I'm pms-ing.  My current work space was a major part of my stress.  I definitely needed my support system.  I miss those guys so much. Its funny because Im encountering an issue i didnt prepare myself for.  All I thought about before moving out here was,...David david david daivd...cali cali cali...surf..sun..beach...nature....but I didnt even think to consider how much i was going to miss MY close friends.  Ive really establish great frienships back in ATL.My support system.  Don't get me wrong,  David has been (to the best of his abilities) a wonderful support to me but there's so much a man can handle and understand.  There's nothing like a great girlfriend.  There is one girl who i am getting a lot closer with than most of my other girlfriends in SF.  Her name is Vivi.  We have similar life experiences which is why i feel a great connection with her. So, i guess we shall see where our friendship goes.

Im still learning my new grown up responsibilities such as paying for my car insurance.  Now that is new to me.  Ive been lazy about getting my things together for school.  I definitely want to go back to school because I do not want to be a whole foods all my life but alteast while im getting my career together. Its a great place to work while in school.  I love it even though i wanna choke it at time but dont we all.!

Oh and I feel like a huge ballena.  My health has really sucked these pass few weeks.  My stress has lured me into eating unhealthy refined foods but i will return to my soup dinners, salad lunches, and irish breakfasts soon enough. Uno day at a time.

back to knitting and cuddling with DaviD and Home Movies...