UGH!

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so i gotta take this slow. I want all these things at once. David was going to let me borrow the money for a bike and he decided to back out because he feels like i could get a cheaper bike if i build it myself. No honey, its gonna cost more to build it. Nonetheless, ill just build it and maintenance the bike i have now. lame. I kinda just want a new bike, but its best to work thru it and just build it. whatev! I know he's concerned for me but its frustrating being reminded that i cant afford things. Its uncomfortable and can be crippling. Yes, there's other people in the world who worry about not having food on the table but im grateful that that's not a concern and if not affording luxuries like a bike is my issue then thats a good thing.

My co-worker Trose started this book club that i may join. Im intellectually bored. I should also focus my energy on esoteric things but i yearning for more of an exoteric feed.  Why not.

I dont feel as interesting anymore. i dont ever say the right things. environment just feels awkward and frustrating.  everything i say sounds lame and unintellectual. i repeat the same things all the time using different words. people's thoughts and ideas bore me. where's the joy? what an effin phase.

Looking Forward To: 

getting vegan Saucony sneakers; selling a few things on ebay; once my period is over start working out a little more; piercing left nostril; gaging to size  4 or 2.; doc marten boots; building my bike; reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra; longer hair; saving money; visiting ATL

Not Looking Forward To:

Fixing the rear "something" for my car, yuck, ($$$)

aaaannd...

this post is OVER!